1. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

2. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'

3. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my Mum or my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu? But I think its Colin.

4. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other 'Your round.' The other one says 'So are you, you fat bast**d!

5. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

6. 'You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.'

7. A man walked into the doctors, he said, 'I've hurt my arm in several places' The doctor said, 'Well don't go there anymore'

8. Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night


Email to a friend joke id 11

1. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!' The doctor replied, 'I know you can't, I've cut your arms off'.

7. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. 'My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?' 'Well,' says the vet, 'let's have a look at him' So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.' 'What? Because he's cross-eyed? ''No, because he's really heavy'

8. Guy goes into the doctor's. 'Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside.' 'How's that?' 'Don't you start.'

2. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

4. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

5. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says 'I'll give you some cream for that.'

6. 'Doc I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home' 'That's like Tom Jones syndrome. 'Is it common? ' 'It's not unusual.'



Email to a friend joke id 10

1. Two blondes walk into a building..........you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.

7. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!

2. Phone answering machine message - '...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key...'

3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, 'Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.'

4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, 'No, the steaks are too high.'

6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.



Email to a friend joke id 9

Bloke walks into a bar and orders 2 double whiskeys. Downs them in 1 go. The bar man says: "What’s up man?" "My youngest son just told me he's gay". Next day he goes in and orders 4 double whiskeys. The bar man asks again: "What’s up man?" “just found out my oldest son is gay". The Next day he goes in and orders 10 whiskeys. "Bloody hell" Says the barman. “Does no one in your family like pussy?" he replies "Yes my wife!"

Email to a friend joke id 8

An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy." She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women." The two sat sipping in silence. A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian."

Email to a friend joke id 7